Nengkan
Focusing on: Half and Half
The actions, words, and mentality of An-mei Hsu truly were inspiring and reminded me of the hidden power or motherly nengkan. Though Bing, An-mei's son, was most likely gone for eternity,she had hope and thus continuously searched for him with all her power and ability. She went past her limits and did unimaginable things like jumping into the ocean, despite the fact that she did not know how to swim. In many ways An-mei reminded me of my mother. She was like my mother in that my mother also had in a sense nengkan. An-mei also reminded me of my mother because of the everlasting hope and positiveness that she had in times of difficulty. Besides An-mei, there was another character that caused me to react. This character was Rose Hsu, who oddly reminded me of myself. Her slowness to react when Bing drowned frustrated me, not only because she could have saved him but also because I believe that I would have done something similar. Though, I do not blame her for the entire situation, I believe that she played a huge part in it. One scene that affected me was the scene in which Ted sent Rose divorce papers.Though he had "loved" her and desperately held onto her, Ted insisted on ending the relationship based on the fact that Rose couldn't make her own decisions, or basically because she lacked "leadership". Their relationship reminded me of the many foolish relationships that young people have and the divorces that so many couples simply decide upon today. Apart from my reactions, I also have a question. I just wanted to make sure if I was interpreting the following text correctly. When Amy Tan says: "My mother is not the best housekeeper in the world, and after all these years that Bible is still white clean." I was wondering if it meant that An-mei still had hope and was continuously keeping her faith in God.
One adjective to describe the relationship between Rose Hsu and An-mei is "ying-and-yang ." When Rose says, "there's no hope. There's no reason for trying," upon her marriage, An-mei is there encouraging her saying, " Because you must, this is not hope. Not reason. This is your fate. This is your life, what you must do." Since Rose and An-mei have very different mentalities this causes one person, in this case An-mei, to be or to have more of something, in this case "optimism." An-mei's positiveness helps in her efforts to convince and give hope to Rose, who is in the process of giving up on her marriage. In this way, they are each others' opposites and are able to balance each other out, just like ying-and-yang.
One writing technique that Amy Tan used in this chapter was foreshadow. An example of this was shown when Tan was describing the characteristics of the cove at the beach. She drew an image of a ominous, dark cove when she said, "this beach cove was a terrible place, full of wet shadows that chilled us and invisible specks that flew into our eyes and made it hard for us to see the danger," causing readers to get a sense that there was some kind of danger ahead that dealt with the beach cove, which was exactly what happened. Her use of foreshadow made the story better in that it helped build a mood and made a better approach towards the climax.
I believe that the theme, or life lesson of this chapter is "never give up." Though An-mei is unable to find her son, who is probably long gone, she still has hope and shows this when it is revealed to the readers that she has written " 'Bing Hsu' lightly in erasable pencil," in her Bible in, "a section called 'Deaths,' " suggesting that she still believes that he is alive somewhere. This is also revealed throughout this whole chapter in that An-mei expresses and tries to pass down her everlasting hope to Rose telling her, " 'You must think for yourself, what you must do. If someone tells you, then you are not trying.' " An-mei's life story is full of hope and seems to teach readers that there is always hope and that you should never ever give up.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Story ( no enter, indent!)<--dialogue
Flags wave proudly everywhere, the exuberant people shout, "Man-sae!Hooray!", pink Rose of Sharons line the joyous dirt streets...Today is August 15,1945 and today is both a day of celebration and of sorrow for Korea because though we are finally free from the morbid control of the Japanese, we are left permanently scarred from the losses that were injustly brought upon us. After countless fights, deaths, and prayers, our country has been restored of our precious independence.I hold onto my cross necklace, remembering my father who was a victim of the brutal and savage murders. Today marks the third year since the day of his death. My father had been a pastor, a devoted and influential leader during the invasion. Like a criminal, he was executed along with 13 other committed members of our congregation for standing up for what was right-the truth.
Unlike him, I was unable to stand up for what I believed in. I was a coward. While my father had been risking his life for his beliefs, I had lied that I wasn't Korean in order simply make my life "easier."
"Bo Lam-ahh!" a familiar voice resonates amid shouts of joy. Puzzled and surprised, I turn around only to find an arm waving excitedly above many heads. It is my best friend Jung-hoon. He sprints towards me and finally reaches me, panting, with his head in between his legs and palms on his bruised knees. After a couple of reassuring deep breathes he finally begins to speak, "I'm guessing you have no idea why people are acting like lunatics and yelling ' We've won?' "
I take a moment to observe the clear sky above, the birds are tweeting happily while perching on the electric wires, watching us.
"I know... I just had some things to think about."
"Oh..." he says finally realizing what's wrong, "Sorry, I... honestly forgot."
"It's alright, I mean it's been three years already hasn't it?, I can't stay like this forever."
"But still...sorry," he responds, sincerely apologizing. After a couple seconds of staring at the ground in shame, he exclaims, "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you!"
"What?"
"Your brother's back."
In disbelief and desperation I ask, " Where? Where did you see him?"
"Earlier this morning, I stopped by your house to see if you were there, but instead of finding you I found your brother. He's probably staying for good this time though, so you don't need to worry."
This brother, this brother of mine had left 5 years ago saying "Once we make those dirty bastards crawl and beg on their bloody knees, I'll come back, I promise," acting as if he could be Empress Myeongsong and change the country. He had left as fast as the speed of light, despite my parents' strong disapproval. Since he had been 16 then, I couldn't imagine how much he had changed. I hoped from my heart that the bloody demonstrations and killings hadn't affected his well being like many of the people I had heard stories of.
"Bo Lam!"
"Yeah, what were were you going to say?" I respond, awaking from my daydream.
With a worried frown on his face, he continues excitedly, " We got our house back! Well...we're missing a couple things here and there but we still have the place...our place back!"
With genuine enthusiasm, I congratulate him, "That's great, I'm really happy for you."
"You have to be happy Bo-Lam, because things are only going to get better. This is only the beginning."
At his words I have nothing to say for there were things that just could not be changed or brought back, like historical artifacts, the royals, and the dignity and lives of many Korean people. And so I wondered, would things really get better?
***************
My brother has returned from his journey. After he was hit by a police man who was trying to "defend himself," his right eye isn't of much use anymore. He manages, but still can't stand the fact that we are going to visit my father's grave tomorrow. Three years ago, on the day of our independence, my brother had been absolutely dumb-struck and shocked at the news that he wouldn't speak for weeks. This caused neighbors and friends to ask, "Is he mute too?"
"No," I would answer them, "he's just in a state of shock, he just needs some time to think." As the pain-stackingly slow, overwhelming years passed, my brother and I have matured and have left the past...or at least have tried to. I ask my brother, who is listening intently into my dad's old radio, "So you really think that we'll be uniting this year?"
"Shh...I need to hear this," he replies while straining to hear every single detail of the static-filled news report. He finally replies, turning the radio off, "Well, we've been like this for four years already, how long do they plan to keep us like this? This isn't their country-it's ours."
True...how long did the Soviets and the Americans plan to keep the upper and lower half apart? I had heard about their plans for a stronger, better Korea. Hopefully their plans would fufill our dreams for unification.
"Bo Lam-aah! Can you go pick up the incense from Hyun-joon Ajusshi's store?" my mom yells from the kitchen.
I complain, "Mom~You just said you didn't have anything else for me to do!"
"Well, now I do, so please go do it. You can have your free time after!"
"Okay!" I shout in annoyance, sensing that she will start yelling at me if I'm not out the door in 5 minutes. Today was a busy day for both me and other Koreans across the country. Today was Chuseok-Thanksgiving,a day in which we visited our ancestral graves to pray for good harvest and the well being of family. It was also the day in which everyone wore hanboks and celebrated by eating song-pyun and playing games like Not- Ttwigi and Yun nal-gee...I would be running errands all day in order to prepare to visit my father's grave tomorrow, I would be missing out on all the fun.
In hopes of being able to stop by my all-time favorite candy store, I start running to the store to pick up the incense. "Uh-suh oh-sae-yo," a deep and friendly voice greets me as I enter the warm, ginseng-scented store.
"Ah-Ah-young-ha-sae-sae-yo," I stutter as I walk towards the counter.
"Son-neem, uh-duh-gae doh-wah duhl-eel-gah-yo?"
"Uh...nae, juh-hee umma-geh-suh...."
"It's me... Bo Lam." Bewildered, I slowly look up. He has a familiar, warm, baby-boy face, and seems to have grown a slight mustache and half a foot taller since I've last seen him..."Jung-hoon! Is that really you? You've changed a lot since I last saw you!"
"I know, it's been three years already! You've gotten prettier yourself," he exclaims in his naturally excited tone and awkwardly new deep voice.
"I seriously thought you were an ajusshi," I say laughing.
"I know, my voice is really low now," he says going up an octave for my sake. "You still seem to float into your own world whenever I see you."
"I know, my mom says that I have a problem because I keep on dreaming during the daytime ."
"Well, it's good to think to yourself sometimes." There's an awkward silence and I am reminded of my mother's mission.
"Oh, I need to get the incense that Hyun-joon ajusshi promised my mom."
"Oh yeah, sorry I almost forgot, I'll go get it," Jung hoon says as he rushes into the back of the store.
"Hey Jung-hoon I think..." I yell after him discovering a package of incense on the counter.
Seeing Jung-hoon with a new package I just stay silent. "Here," he says smiling and gives me it.
"Thanks"
"No problem, you're going to come here again right?"
"Yeah, my mom comes here all the time."
Chuckling he responds,"Alright then, see you."
"Alright," I say as I open the store door and reluctantly walk outside. I open the incense box to find a note inside. It reads "Hey, I know it was awkward, but I was purely speechless when I saw you. I hope that you keep your promise and come as often as you can. I missed you! -Your Best Friend, Jung hoon." I hear a strong thump-thump in my ear and quickly cram the note into my pocket. My heart is beating uncontrollably. Why was I so nervous? Was I starting to have feelings for him? I discard these thoughts and begin scurrying towards my house, sensing that time has passed much faster than expected.
"Where were you?" my mom asks while packing fresh fruits, a mat, four lunchboxes, a small table, and a bottle of rice wine.
"I saw Jung-hoon at the store."
"That's nice, how is he doing?"
"He's happy as usual, " I answer cautiously, afraid of spilling out my personal thoughts.
Oblivious to my answer my mom totally changes the topic, "We have to go soon, hurry up and go get changed." Disappointedly I trudge upstairs to dress into my dreaded yellow and red hanbok-two colors that I have unwillingly worn for the past two years. "Remember to bring the incense down!" my mom commands.
"Coming!" I yoddle rushing down the stairs dressed in my bright dress with the box of incense in my hands. We're out the door and in a city bus in a flash. It'll be a long ride in this stuffy, creaking bus full of impatient children, stressed out moms, and snoring dads.I hold onto a modest basket full of apples and pears and look out at other families dressed in festive hanboks playing geu-nae, dancing the kang-gangsulle, and watching sirrum. How ironic it was, that today could be both a day of laughter and mourning.I lie back in my small carpet seat and try to get some sleep or peace of mind...
Thud! I awake from my restless sleep and rub my head in pain. I gaze out the window in awe-it's really raining. How unpredictable the weather could be. We called this sonagi, a sudden fall of rain.The sky is infested with pearly gray clouds, exposing only hints of a somber dark blue sky. The bus shrieks in fury as it comes to a sudden halt, this is our stop.
My obba and umma stand up as if on cue, "Bo-Lam-ah dah-wat-dah." Following a couple other frantic passengers, I hurriedly run off the bus and to my joy, slip and fall.
"Jo-shim hae!" my mother scolds and pulls me under the shelter and dryness of the huge umbrella. We walk slowly side by side up the muddy dirt streets, past small hanoks and green pastures.
"We're here," my mom says going ahead of us. We were now standing in front of my dad's soggy, weed-infested grave site. It had never hit me that he was truly gone, until now...as I stared down at the abandoned mound which contained my lifeless father. My brother lays out the mat and places the table on it. My mom begins to set the fruits on the table, one by one, and walks towards my father's tombstone. My obba signals me to follow her. I watch her silently as she kneels down on the wet ground beside the mound.
My mom finally starts speaking,"Yu-boh, we're here... Haven't Minwoo and Bo-Lam grown so much? I'm sure you already know that we've won our independence? It's a pity that you had to go before seeing it..." she wipes her eyes with the handkerchief then the tombstone.
"It's nice up there isn't it? I was supposed to go with you, you've broken our promise..." like a deflated balloon my mom breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Not knowing what to do,my brother helps her up and orders me to stay with her. I do as I am told, and try my best to comfort her.
I love my mother, but I can't help but hate her fear. She believes that one's life is more important than one's beliefs. When my father passed away, she had called him a "fool" and a "coward" because of the rashness of his actions that had caused his death. Though I have come to understand that she said these things only out of agony, as a child I was clueless, and was convinced that my father had really been "foolish." How could I have come to look down upon someone who had loved me so much?
I watch as my obba starts to pour wine around the mound letting my father "drink" and pulls weeds out as he makes his way around the grave.
"Go help obba," my mom says suddenly, surprising me. I stand up immediately and start burning the incense.
"Why does it have to rain today?!" my brother yells in his thunderous voice, violently throwing the bottle to the ground. I jump in shock almost dropping the incense stick. I don't know if he is saying this because he's bothered by the fact that it's raining or because he's mad at himself for tearing up in front of his little sister. I remember when my dad would always scold my brother saying, " Nam-jah nun ooh-nun-guh ah-neeh-yah," and later buy us candy because he felt bad.I felt guilty for having complained about coming here and I felt sorry for my dad who would have to stay here in the rain by himself once we were gone. We take turns burning the incense in the pouring rain and finally begin eating,though of course none of us really eat. Instead, we watch as my father accepts his food,and silently weep within ourselves.
****************
"Obba! We're going to be late!" I yell at my brother who has probably gone back to sleep after his countless responses of, "Okay, I'm coming." Today was Seolnal,or in other words new years, and we were to go visit my mother's parents who lived about a city away. It had been five years since the day of our independence and this was the first year we were going to be able to celebrate Seolnal full blast. Though their home wasn't far away, my brother would have to take me to their house because my mother had already been there since last month because my hal-ah-buh-jee had been very ill. We were going to meet her along with our relatives there and I didn't want to be late. "Obba!!!!!!!!!!"I cry out loud, "I'm going to leave without you!" I make sounds as if I am going out the door and sure enough my brother is sluggishly coming down the stairs with his sleepy eyes and messy hair.
Rubbing his eyes he says, "Wait, I need time to change." My brother, Minwoo, who is obviously not 26, was turning 26 this year and was still over-protective of me who was turning 20 this year. Though he had turned into my temporary guardian, I felt like I was the one who truly had the control. I pack the ddeok, rice cake, in preparation of the exciting new years ceremony that is awaiting us.
We board bus again, just like we did a year ago when we were visiting our father's grave. It would be seven months till we would see him again...
The bus is packed as usual, but it would be easier to handle this time because it would only be an hour drive. I turn around stretching but quickly put my hands down, remembering that I was wearing a hanbok-a "beautiful" yet armpit-exposing dress that my mom forced me to wear. I dreaded everything that I was wearing except for the cross necklace which hung over my chest.It was the only thing that I was proud to call my own. "We're here," my obba says though I already know. I can see two small silhouettes and a slightly larger silhouette from outside the stained window, and I recognize who they are right away. They're my grandparents and my mother.
I waddle down and out the bus yelling, "Hal-muh-nee, Halahbuhjee, Umma!" and am embraced by my grandma's warm body.
My brother has a hard time keeping up as we walk up the path to my grandparents' house. We are greeted by my aunts, uncles, and cousins who are playing yut-no-lee on the ondol floor.
"Hey, you guys came!" my youngest niece, So-Lah, exclaims as she hugs my legs.
"Aren't you going to go sirrum with the guys Minwoo?," my young uncle asks my brother.
Before my brother can answer he continues chuckling, "You're too old for it? Oh, come on, are you afraid to lose?" Being the pushover he is, my brother follows my uncle outside.
"Unnie, do you want to go nol-twee-gi?" So-Lah asks.
"Sure," I respond in adoration.
The rest of the day is spent in play until we are called in by the elders to come and perform sebae. Everyone takes turns bowing except for my grandparents, who are the eldest. My uncles, aunts, and mother bow before my grandparents and we children bow in front of all the elders and recite, "Sae-hae bok man-hee badt-uh sae-yo," in our fancy outfits. Happily tucking our money away into our joo-muhn-ees, we frolick outside to continue playing. Only after a couple minutes on the geu-nae with So Lah, I am pulled aside by my grandmother who signals me to follow her. We end up in a quiet and lush field with many small gardens and hyang-ah-lees filled with fermented foods lined against the short fences. "It's been hard for your mother hasn't it?" she finally asks while adjusting a stick that once supported a zuchinni plant.
"Yes," I say, only to regret being so blunt.
"I can see it in your mother's eyes. She's gotten quite a few wrinkles and looks to have aged since I last saw her." Sighing she continues, "You're the only one she has...you have to listen to her, okay?"
I frown unable to comprehend, my mother also had my brother.
As if sensing my confusion my grandmother adds, "I know your brother is trying his best to take your father's place, but who your mom really needs right now is you...you never know when your brother will decide to leave again."
"Bo-Lam-ahh!" my mom calls from afar, "I need you to help me."
In relief I hug my grandma saying, "Okay," and run down the rock path back to the house, glad to have escaped before saying anything I would have regret.
"Where are you going?" asks my niece skipping towards me with her eyes wide.
"My mom needs me," I say squeezing her cheeks. After declaring this, I come to question myself and start to worry. Would there be another reason for my brother to leave? Would he really leave? And, would I have enough strength to stay by my mother's side? No, I say to myself, this year would be a prosperous year, I mean, it had to be.
"Bo-Lam!" my brother calls.
"Okay, coming!" I yell... and then I utter to myself,"coming."
**************
Today is June 25, 1950 and I am laying on the streets of my town, Seoul, lost and afraid. I look up from the ground and watch people frantically running and screaming every where,ambulances and police cars roaring with their sirens, and gun shots and bombs resonating, shaking me to the bone. What was I doing here, laying in the middle of all this chaos? Why were the northerners attacking the southerners? Why were we having a war amongst ourselves? Where were the Americans when we needed them? There were way too many questions, but no one to answer them...This couldn't be happening...I cover my ears and start to pray, trying to block out all the blood, all the noise, all the confusion. "Dear Lord, we need you right now...I need you right now. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to stay here but my mom wants me to stay, even if it means denying my identity as a South Korean...I don't want to pretend to be something that I'm not Lord, please help me to stand up for what's right. Help me...please help me..." Tears like blood fall from my eyes as I clutch my cross.
"Bo-Lam!" a blurred voice calls from afar. "Bo-Lam" the voice grows closer. I can see Jung-hoon's face.
"You're here, I missed you," I whisper into his ear.
"I'm here, there's no need to be afraid," he says assuringly, holding me tight.
I watch as a small bird flies across the dawn sky into the radiant light of the horizon.
Just then I knew what to do...
"Jung-hoon."
"I'm here."
"I have to get out of here."
With a hesitating sigh he says, "Okay but," he hugs me closer and whispers in my ear, "I'm leaving with you."
I had to leave this place...I had to go far away, until I became like the bird, free.
Unlike him, I was unable to stand up for what I believed in. I was a coward. While my father had been risking his life for his beliefs, I had lied that I wasn't Korean in order simply make my life "easier."
"Bo Lam-ahh!" a familiar voice resonates amid shouts of joy. Puzzled and surprised, I turn around only to find an arm waving excitedly above many heads. It is my best friend Jung-hoon. He sprints towards me and finally reaches me, panting, with his head in between his legs and palms on his bruised knees. After a couple of reassuring deep breathes he finally begins to speak, "I'm guessing you have no idea why people are acting like lunatics and yelling ' We've won?' "
I take a moment to observe the clear sky above, the birds are tweeting happily while perching on the electric wires, watching us.
"I know... I just had some things to think about."
"Oh..." he says finally realizing what's wrong, "Sorry, I... honestly forgot."
"It's alright, I mean it's been three years already hasn't it?, I can't stay like this forever."
"But still...sorry," he responds, sincerely apologizing. After a couple seconds of staring at the ground in shame, he exclaims, "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you!"
"What?"
"Your brother's back."
In disbelief and desperation I ask, " Where? Where did you see him?"
"Earlier this morning, I stopped by your house to see if you were there, but instead of finding you I found your brother. He's probably staying for good this time though, so you don't need to worry."
This brother, this brother of mine had left 5 years ago saying "Once we make those dirty bastards crawl and beg on their bloody knees, I'll come back, I promise," acting as if he could be Empress Myeongsong and change the country. He had left as fast as the speed of light, despite my parents' strong disapproval. Since he had been 16 then, I couldn't imagine how much he had changed. I hoped from my heart that the bloody demonstrations and killings hadn't affected his well being like many of the people I had heard stories of.
"Bo Lam!"
"Yeah, what were were you going to say?" I respond, awaking from my daydream.
With a worried frown on his face, he continues excitedly, " We got our house back! Well...we're missing a couple things here and there but we still have the place...our place back!"
With genuine enthusiasm, I congratulate him, "That's great, I'm really happy for you."
"You have to be happy Bo-Lam, because things are only going to get better. This is only the beginning."
At his words I have nothing to say for there were things that just could not be changed or brought back, like historical artifacts, the royals, and the dignity and lives of many Korean people. And so I wondered, would things really get better?
***************
My brother has returned from his journey. After he was hit by a police man who was trying to "defend himself," his right eye isn't of much use anymore. He manages, but still can't stand the fact that we are going to visit my father's grave tomorrow. Three years ago, on the day of our independence, my brother had been absolutely dumb-struck and shocked at the news that he wouldn't speak for weeks. This caused neighbors and friends to ask, "Is he mute too?"
"No," I would answer them, "he's just in a state of shock, he just needs some time to think." As the pain-stackingly slow, overwhelming years passed, my brother and I have matured and have left the past...or at least have tried to. I ask my brother, who is listening intently into my dad's old radio, "So you really think that we'll be uniting this year?"
"Shh...I need to hear this," he replies while straining to hear every single detail of the static-filled news report. He finally replies, turning the radio off, "Well, we've been like this for four years already, how long do they plan to keep us like this? This isn't their country-it's ours."
True...how long did the Soviets and the Americans plan to keep the upper and lower half apart? I had heard about their plans for a stronger, better Korea. Hopefully their plans would fufill our dreams for unification.
"Bo Lam-aah! Can you go pick up the incense from Hyun-joon Ajusshi's store?" my mom yells from the kitchen.
I complain, "Mom~You just said you didn't have anything else for me to do!"
"Well, now I do, so please go do it. You can have your free time after!"
"Okay!" I shout in annoyance, sensing that she will start yelling at me if I'm not out the door in 5 minutes. Today was a busy day for both me and other Koreans across the country. Today was Chuseok-Thanksgiving,a day in which we visited our ancestral graves to pray for good harvest and the well being of family. It was also the day in which everyone wore hanboks and celebrated by eating song-pyun and playing games like Not- Ttwigi and Yun nal-gee...I would be running errands all day in order to prepare to visit my father's grave tomorrow, I would be missing out on all the fun.
In hopes of being able to stop by my all-time favorite candy store, I start running to the store to pick up the incense. "Uh-suh oh-sae-yo," a deep and friendly voice greets me as I enter the warm, ginseng-scented store.
"Ah-Ah-young-ha-sae-sae-yo," I stutter as I walk towards the counter.
"Son-neem, uh-duh-gae doh-wah duhl-eel-gah-yo?"
"Uh...nae, juh-hee umma-geh-suh...."
"It's me... Bo Lam." Bewildered, I slowly look up. He has a familiar, warm, baby-boy face, and seems to have grown a slight mustache and half a foot taller since I've last seen him..."Jung-hoon! Is that really you? You've changed a lot since I last saw you!"
"I know, it's been three years already! You've gotten prettier yourself," he exclaims in his naturally excited tone and awkwardly new deep voice.
"I seriously thought you were an ajusshi," I say laughing.
"I know, my voice is really low now," he says going up an octave for my sake. "You still seem to float into your own world whenever I see you."
"I know, my mom says that I have a problem because I keep on dreaming during the daytime ."
"Well, it's good to think to yourself sometimes." There's an awkward silence and I am reminded of my mother's mission.
"Oh, I need to get the incense that Hyun-joon ajusshi promised my mom."
"Oh yeah, sorry I almost forgot, I'll go get it," Jung hoon says as he rushes into the back of the store.
"Hey Jung-hoon I think..." I yell after him discovering a package of incense on the counter.
Seeing Jung-hoon with a new package I just stay silent. "Here," he says smiling and gives me it.
"Thanks"
"No problem, you're going to come here again right?"
"Yeah, my mom comes here all the time."
Chuckling he responds,"Alright then, see you."
"Alright," I say as I open the store door and reluctantly walk outside. I open the incense box to find a note inside. It reads "Hey, I know it was awkward, but I was purely speechless when I saw you. I hope that you keep your promise and come as often as you can. I missed you! -Your Best Friend, Jung hoon." I hear a strong thump-thump in my ear and quickly cram the note into my pocket. My heart is beating uncontrollably. Why was I so nervous? Was I starting to have feelings for him? I discard these thoughts and begin scurrying towards my house, sensing that time has passed much faster than expected.
"Where were you?" my mom asks while packing fresh fruits, a mat, four lunchboxes, a small table, and a bottle of rice wine.
"I saw Jung-hoon at the store."
"That's nice, how is he doing?"
"He's happy as usual, " I answer cautiously, afraid of spilling out my personal thoughts.
Oblivious to my answer my mom totally changes the topic, "We have to go soon, hurry up and go get changed." Disappointedly I trudge upstairs to dress into my dreaded yellow and red hanbok-two colors that I have unwillingly worn for the past two years. "Remember to bring the incense down!" my mom commands.
"Coming!" I yoddle rushing down the stairs dressed in my bright dress with the box of incense in my hands. We're out the door and in a city bus in a flash. It'll be a long ride in this stuffy, creaking bus full of impatient children, stressed out moms, and snoring dads.I hold onto a modest basket full of apples and pears and look out at other families dressed in festive hanboks playing geu-nae, dancing the kang-gangsulle, and watching sirrum. How ironic it was, that today could be both a day of laughter and mourning.I lie back in my small carpet seat and try to get some sleep or peace of mind...
Thud! I awake from my restless sleep and rub my head in pain. I gaze out the window in awe-it's really raining. How unpredictable the weather could be. We called this sonagi, a sudden fall of rain.The sky is infested with pearly gray clouds, exposing only hints of a somber dark blue sky. The bus shrieks in fury as it comes to a sudden halt, this is our stop.
My obba and umma stand up as if on cue, "Bo-Lam-ah dah-wat-dah." Following a couple other frantic passengers, I hurriedly run off the bus and to my joy, slip and fall.
"Jo-shim hae!" my mother scolds and pulls me under the shelter and dryness of the huge umbrella. We walk slowly side by side up the muddy dirt streets, past small hanoks and green pastures.
"We're here," my mom says going ahead of us. We were now standing in front of my dad's soggy, weed-infested grave site. It had never hit me that he was truly gone, until now...as I stared down at the abandoned mound which contained my lifeless father. My brother lays out the mat and places the table on it. My mom begins to set the fruits on the table, one by one, and walks towards my father's tombstone. My obba signals me to follow her. I watch her silently as she kneels down on the wet ground beside the mound.
My mom finally starts speaking,"Yu-boh, we're here... Haven't Minwoo and Bo-Lam grown so much? I'm sure you already know that we've won our independence? It's a pity that you had to go before seeing it..." she wipes her eyes with the handkerchief then the tombstone.
"It's nice up there isn't it? I was supposed to go with you, you've broken our promise..." like a deflated balloon my mom breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Not knowing what to do,my brother helps her up and orders me to stay with her. I do as I am told, and try my best to comfort her.
I love my mother, but I can't help but hate her fear. She believes that one's life is more important than one's beliefs. When my father passed away, she had called him a "fool" and a "coward" because of the rashness of his actions that had caused his death. Though I have come to understand that she said these things only out of agony, as a child I was clueless, and was convinced that my father had really been "foolish." How could I have come to look down upon someone who had loved me so much?
I watch as my obba starts to pour wine around the mound letting my father "drink" and pulls weeds out as he makes his way around the grave.
"Go help obba," my mom says suddenly, surprising me. I stand up immediately and start burning the incense.
"Why does it have to rain today?!" my brother yells in his thunderous voice, violently throwing the bottle to the ground. I jump in shock almost dropping the incense stick. I don't know if he is saying this because he's bothered by the fact that it's raining or because he's mad at himself for tearing up in front of his little sister. I remember when my dad would always scold my brother saying, " Nam-jah nun ooh-nun-guh ah-neeh-yah," and later buy us candy because he felt bad.I felt guilty for having complained about coming here and I felt sorry for my dad who would have to stay here in the rain by himself once we were gone. We take turns burning the incense in the pouring rain and finally begin eating,though of course none of us really eat. Instead, we watch as my father accepts his food,and silently weep within ourselves.
****************
"Obba! We're going to be late!" I yell at my brother who has probably gone back to sleep after his countless responses of, "Okay, I'm coming." Today was Seolnal,or in other words new years, and we were to go visit my mother's parents who lived about a city away. It had been five years since the day of our independence and this was the first year we were going to be able to celebrate Seolnal full blast. Though their home wasn't far away, my brother would have to take me to their house because my mother had already been there since last month because my hal-ah-buh-jee had been very ill. We were going to meet her along with our relatives there and I didn't want to be late. "Obba!!!!!!!!!!"I cry out loud, "I'm going to leave without you!" I make sounds as if I am going out the door and sure enough my brother is sluggishly coming down the stairs with his sleepy eyes and messy hair.
Rubbing his eyes he says, "Wait, I need time to change." My brother, Minwoo, who is obviously not 26, was turning 26 this year and was still over-protective of me who was turning 20 this year. Though he had turned into my temporary guardian, I felt like I was the one who truly had the control. I pack the ddeok, rice cake, in preparation of the exciting new years ceremony that is awaiting us.
We board bus again, just like we did a year ago when we were visiting our father's grave. It would be seven months till we would see him again...
The bus is packed as usual, but it would be easier to handle this time because it would only be an hour drive. I turn around stretching but quickly put my hands down, remembering that I was wearing a hanbok-a "beautiful" yet armpit-exposing dress that my mom forced me to wear. I dreaded everything that I was wearing except for the cross necklace which hung over my chest.It was the only thing that I was proud to call my own. "We're here," my obba says though I already know. I can see two small silhouettes and a slightly larger silhouette from outside the stained window, and I recognize who they are right away. They're my grandparents and my mother.
I waddle down and out the bus yelling, "Hal-muh-nee, Halahbuhjee, Umma!" and am embraced by my grandma's warm body.
My brother has a hard time keeping up as we walk up the path to my grandparents' house. We are greeted by my aunts, uncles, and cousins who are playing yut-no-lee on the ondol floor.
"Hey, you guys came!" my youngest niece, So-Lah, exclaims as she hugs my legs.
"Aren't you going to go sirrum with the guys Minwoo?," my young uncle asks my brother.
Before my brother can answer he continues chuckling, "You're too old for it? Oh, come on, are you afraid to lose?" Being the pushover he is, my brother follows my uncle outside.
"Unnie, do you want to go nol-twee-gi?" So-Lah asks.
"Sure," I respond in adoration.
The rest of the day is spent in play until we are called in by the elders to come and perform sebae. Everyone takes turns bowing except for my grandparents, who are the eldest. My uncles, aunts, and mother bow before my grandparents and we children bow in front of all the elders and recite, "Sae-hae bok man-hee badt-uh sae-yo," in our fancy outfits. Happily tucking our money away into our joo-muhn-ees, we frolick outside to continue playing. Only after a couple minutes on the geu-nae with So Lah, I am pulled aside by my grandmother who signals me to follow her. We end up in a quiet and lush field with many small gardens and hyang-ah-lees filled with fermented foods lined against the short fences. "It's been hard for your mother hasn't it?" she finally asks while adjusting a stick that once supported a zuchinni plant.
"Yes," I say, only to regret being so blunt.
"I can see it in your mother's eyes. She's gotten quite a few wrinkles and looks to have aged since I last saw her." Sighing she continues, "You're the only one she has...you have to listen to her, okay?"
I frown unable to comprehend, my mother also had my brother.
As if sensing my confusion my grandmother adds, "I know your brother is trying his best to take your father's place, but who your mom really needs right now is you...you never know when your brother will decide to leave again."
"Bo-Lam-ahh!" my mom calls from afar, "I need you to help me."
In relief I hug my grandma saying, "Okay," and run down the rock path back to the house, glad to have escaped before saying anything I would have regret.
"Where are you going?" asks my niece skipping towards me with her eyes wide.
"My mom needs me," I say squeezing her cheeks. After declaring this, I come to question myself and start to worry. Would there be another reason for my brother to leave? Would he really leave? And, would I have enough strength to stay by my mother's side? No, I say to myself, this year would be a prosperous year, I mean, it had to be.
"Bo-Lam!" my brother calls.
"Okay, coming!" I yell... and then I utter to myself,"coming."
**************
Today is June 25, 1950 and I am laying on the streets of my town, Seoul, lost and afraid. I look up from the ground and watch people frantically running and screaming every where,ambulances and police cars roaring with their sirens, and gun shots and bombs resonating, shaking me to the bone. What was I doing here, laying in the middle of all this chaos? Why were the northerners attacking the southerners? Why were we having a war amongst ourselves? Where were the Americans when we needed them? There were way too many questions, but no one to answer them...This couldn't be happening...I cover my ears and start to pray, trying to block out all the blood, all the noise, all the confusion. "Dear Lord, we need you right now...I need you right now. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to stay here but my mom wants me to stay, even if it means denying my identity as a South Korean...I don't want to pretend to be something that I'm not Lord, please help me to stand up for what's right. Help me...please help me..." Tears like blood fall from my eyes as I clutch my cross.
"Bo-Lam!" a blurred voice calls from afar. "Bo-Lam" the voice grows closer. I can see Jung-hoon's face.
"You're here, I missed you," I whisper into his ear.
"I'm here, there's no need to be afraid," he says assuringly, holding me tight.
I watch as a small bird flies across the dawn sky into the radiant light of the horizon.
Just then I knew what to do...
"Jung-hoon."
"I'm here."
"I have to get out of here."
With a hesitating sigh he says, "Okay but," he hugs me closer and whispers in my ear, "I'm leaving with you."
I had to leave this place...I had to go far away, until I became like the bird, free.
Monday, December 29, 2008
The Voice from the Wall
The Other Side
Focusing on: The Voice from the Wall
My initial reaction to the majority of this chapter was fear. Descriptions of ghosts, beatings, and death caused an eery tone and left countless scenes in my head way after I had finished the vignette. Amy Tan caused further fear by associating painful scenes with what seemed like forces from another world or dimension. For example, when I read about the scene in which Lena's baby brother was laid upon a table, he was not only described as having no brain but as also being able to "see everything inside [Lena's mother]," like a ghost or demon.
One adjective to describe the relationship between Lena and her mother is "telepathic ". Even as Lena said herself, "even as a young child, I could sense the unspoken terrors that surrounded our house, the ones that chased my mother until she hid in a secret dark corner of her mind," she is able to connect with her mother's feelings and "sixth sense." Also, Lena is able to literally translate her mother's thoughts and words, thus being able to understand her in multiple ways.
One writing technique that Amy Tan used in this chapter was imagery. For example, when describing Lena's eyes, Tan made readers imagine a person carving "two swift cuts" into a jack-o-lantern instead of simply saying that Lena's eyes were like two small slits.
I believe that the theme, or life lesson of this chapter is "once you've gone through a difficulty, you have basically already gone through the worst thing possible, so don't stay where you are but leave that fate behind and go back to life as if that difficulty had never happened, or in terms of the book "come to the other side of the wall."
Focusing on: The Voice from the Wall
My initial reaction to the majority of this chapter was fear. Descriptions of ghosts, beatings, and death caused an eery tone and left countless scenes in my head way after I had finished the vignette. Amy Tan caused further fear by associating painful scenes with what seemed like forces from another world or dimension. For example, when I read about the scene in which Lena's baby brother was laid upon a table, he was not only described as having no brain but as also being able to "see everything inside [Lena's mother]," like a ghost or demon.
One adjective to describe the relationship between Lena and her mother is "telepathic ". Even as Lena said herself, "even as a young child, I could sense the unspoken terrors that surrounded our house, the ones that chased my mother until she hid in a secret dark corner of her mind," she is able to connect with her mother's feelings and "sixth sense." Also, Lena is able to literally translate her mother's thoughts and words, thus being able to understand her in multiple ways.
One writing technique that Amy Tan used in this chapter was imagery. For example, when describing Lena's eyes, Tan made readers imagine a person carving "two swift cuts" into a jack-o-lantern instead of simply saying that Lena's eyes were like two small slits.
I believe that the theme, or life lesson of this chapter is "once you've gone through a difficulty, you have basically already gone through the worst thing possible, so don't stay where you are but leave that fate behind and go back to life as if that difficulty had never happened, or in terms of the book "come to the other side of the wall."
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Rules of the Game
My Greatest Opponent
Focusing on: Rules of the Game
As I read about Waverly Jong's mother, Lindo Jong, in this chapter, I grew extremely annoyed towards her "proper Chinese humility." Her "humility" was in a sense merely "painted" onto her solid figure of pride. An example of this was shown when Waverly's brother received an old, piece-missing chess set, and Lindo Jong, said, " 'Cost too much,' " 'Too good,' " in front of the elderly chess set owner, when in reality she really meant," 'She not want it. We not want it,' " and demanded that her children throw it away. Through analyzing Lindo, I came to realize that politeness was similar to the flattering and boosting of another person's self-confidence, in that both are done for one's own good . Apart from annoyance, I was also slightly offended by the scene in which an old man automatically thought that Waverly wanted to play dolls with him because she was a girl. Though it may seem like nothing serious, this scene affected me because I was exposed to the fact that these type of thoughts, or in other words sexism, is injected into peoples' brains through society and not through their own ideals.
One phrase to describe the relationship between Lindo and Waverly is "coach and athlete." I chose to use this description instead of "mother and daughter" because I believed that their relationship was based on a give-and-take or in other words it was as if Waverly's role in the relationship was to obey her mother, and her mother's role was to set out a plan for Waverly to follow and to push her to follow it. Just like an athlete, if Waverly did not follow her mother's plans, in other words her coach, there was most likely to be conflict and possibly a break in the relationship. Just like this, Waverly and Lindo's relationship was constantly on the edge once Waverly became a chess player and Lindo became her "mentor" or "supporter." One scene that represents this is situation is when Lindo goes to Waverly's first game. Though she may have not been interested in chess before, once Lindo sees her daughter play, she becomes obsessed with chess, her daughter's playing and starts to criticize Waverly's playing techniques. Though some may see this relationship as a common mother daughter scenario, I think that it's a type of relationship that would be most commonly seen between a coach and an athlete.
A writing technique that Amy Tan uses in this chapter is personification. An example of this is: " I remember that his sweaty brow seemed to weep at my every move" (100). Tan was really just trying to say that the man was sweating very heavily every time Waverly made a move on the chess board. Her choice of connecting the action "weep" with the noun "sweaty brow" not only helped put an image of a man sweating very heavily, but also let me imagine an exaggerated image of a clump of hair crying its eyes out.
I believe that the life lesson of this chapter is basically, "Speak up when its necessary." Lindo Jong teaches Waverly that the "art of invisible strength" is "biting your tongue" or in other words not speaking out about your own desires. Even though Waverly becomes very skilled at this, she is unable to contain her anger and frustration after her mother's continuous overbearing, prideful remarks about her chess playing. Even though Waverly knows that her mom will get pissed off, she still chooses to speaks out and literally runs away from her mother. Though the outcome is not all that great, Waverly admits feeling, "light" and basically "free" suggesting that she does not regret having expressed her feelings to Lindo.
Focusing on: Rules of the Game
As I read about Waverly Jong's mother, Lindo Jong, in this chapter, I grew extremely annoyed towards her "proper Chinese humility." Her "humility" was in a sense merely "painted" onto her solid figure of pride. An example of this was shown when Waverly's brother received an old, piece-missing chess set, and Lindo Jong, said, " 'Cost too much,' " 'Too good,' " in front of the elderly chess set owner, when in reality she really meant," 'She not want it. We not want it,' " and demanded that her children throw it away. Through analyzing Lindo, I came to realize that politeness was similar to the flattering and boosting of another person's self-confidence, in that both are done for one's own good . Apart from annoyance, I was also slightly offended by the scene in which an old man automatically thought that Waverly wanted to play dolls with him because she was a girl. Though it may seem like nothing serious, this scene affected me because I was exposed to the fact that these type of thoughts, or in other words sexism, is injected into peoples' brains through society and not through their own ideals.
One phrase to describe the relationship between Lindo and Waverly is "coach and athlete." I chose to use this description instead of "mother and daughter" because I believed that their relationship was based on a give-and-take or in other words it was as if Waverly's role in the relationship was to obey her mother, and her mother's role was to set out a plan for Waverly to follow and to push her to follow it. Just like an athlete, if Waverly did not follow her mother's plans, in other words her coach, there was most likely to be conflict and possibly a break in the relationship. Just like this, Waverly and Lindo's relationship was constantly on the edge once Waverly became a chess player and Lindo became her "mentor" or "supporter." One scene that represents this is situation is when Lindo goes to Waverly's first game. Though she may have not been interested in chess before, once Lindo sees her daughter play, she becomes obsessed with chess, her daughter's playing and starts to criticize Waverly's playing techniques. Though some may see this relationship as a common mother daughter scenario, I think that it's a type of relationship that would be most commonly seen between a coach and an athlete.
A writing technique that Amy Tan uses in this chapter is personification. An example of this is: " I remember that his sweaty brow seemed to weep at my every move" (100). Tan was really just trying to say that the man was sweating very heavily every time Waverly made a move on the chess board. Her choice of connecting the action "weep" with the noun "sweaty brow" not only helped put an image of a man sweating very heavily, but also let me imagine an exaggerated image of a clump of hair crying its eyes out.
I believe that the life lesson of this chapter is basically, "Speak up when its necessary." Lindo Jong teaches Waverly that the "art of invisible strength" is "biting your tongue" or in other words not speaking out about your own desires. Even though Waverly becomes very skilled at this, she is unable to contain her anger and frustration after her mother's continuous overbearing, prideful remarks about her chess playing. Even though Waverly knows that her mom will get pissed off, she still chooses to speaks out and literally runs away from her mother. Though the outcome is not all that great, Waverly admits feeling, "light" and basically "free" suggesting that she does not regret having expressed her feelings to Lindo.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Moon Lady
Secret Wish
Focusing on: The Moon Lady
My initial reaction to most of this chapter was adoration. I was entertained by the way Ying-Ying St. Clair behaved and found her innocence and immaturity cute. She reminded me of my little sister and thus made me feel as if I was her amah, who was both irritated and entertained by her clumsy yet adorable actions. Apart from adoration, I was also slightly disgusted. When Amy Tan describes the scene in which Ying-Ying runs back stage to seek the Moon Lady, she describes the Moon Lady's womanly characteristics and truly convinces readers that she is indeed a female. But when it is revealed that the Moon Lady is actually a man, I felt slightly nauseated and felt sorry for Ying-Ying who had to be exposed to this, it was as if my little sister had just discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real.
One phrase to describe the relationship between amah and Ying-Ying is "mother-daughter." Though Ying-Ying may have a biological mother and amah may have a biological son, they both are set apart,distant from their blood relations and are instead close to each other. As Ying-Ying puts it, "amah loved me better than her own child."Amah cares for Ying-Ying like a mother and Ying-Ying plays the role as her daughter perfectly. She describes herself to have become, "spoiled because of her," and also describes amah as to have,"never taught me to think about her feelings." As in the case of many mother daughter relationships, Ying-Ying thought of amah "only as someone for my comfort...a blessing you appreciate and love only when it is no longer there." Despite Ying-Ying's disobedience, amah loves her endlessly and cares for her dearly. She does more for Ying-Ying than anyone else can do for her, Amah in a sense becomes her mother and thus Ying-Ying becomes her daughter.
One technique that Tan uses in this chapter is simile. Her use of similes help express the extent or amount of reaction that she wants the reader to feel as they read about a certain action that a character carries out. For example, instead of just saying, "she yanked the full length of my hair," Tan chose to write" she yanked the full length of my hair like the reins of a horse," describing the force of amah's strong pull realistically.
The main conflict of this chapter is Ying-Ying's inability to find her family after she falls into the lake. In the beginning of the story, despite the hot weather, Ying-Ying is in pure bliss when she is safe and sound with her earthly comforts. However, once she falls into "the cool comfort of the water" she is separated from her family, her amah, and her peace. Once her peace is shattered, her true troubles begin. Through this conflict Ying-Ying realizes the importance of being found, and belonging. This conflict is more internal than external and is a human vs. self conflict, in that Ying-Ying comes to a realization, after losing her loved ones, of the importance of the people in her life.
Focusing on: The Moon Lady
My initial reaction to most of this chapter was adoration. I was entertained by the way Ying-Ying St. Clair behaved and found her innocence and immaturity cute. She reminded me of my little sister and thus made me feel as if I was her amah, who was both irritated and entertained by her clumsy yet adorable actions. Apart from adoration, I was also slightly disgusted. When Amy Tan describes the scene in which Ying-Ying runs back stage to seek the Moon Lady, she describes the Moon Lady's womanly characteristics and truly convinces readers that she is indeed a female. But when it is revealed that the Moon Lady is actually a man, I felt slightly nauseated and felt sorry for Ying-Ying who had to be exposed to this, it was as if my little sister had just discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real.
One phrase to describe the relationship between amah and Ying-Ying is "mother-daughter." Though Ying-Ying may have a biological mother and amah may have a biological son, they both are set apart,distant from their blood relations and are instead close to each other. As Ying-Ying puts it, "amah loved me better than her own child."Amah cares for Ying-Ying like a mother and Ying-Ying plays the role as her daughter perfectly. She describes herself to have become, "spoiled because of her," and also describes amah as to have,"never taught me to think about her feelings." As in the case of many mother daughter relationships, Ying-Ying thought of amah "only as someone for my comfort...a blessing you appreciate and love only when it is no longer there." Despite Ying-Ying's disobedience, amah loves her endlessly and cares for her dearly. She does more for Ying-Ying than anyone else can do for her, Amah in a sense becomes her mother and thus Ying-Ying becomes her daughter.
One technique that Tan uses in this chapter is simile. Her use of similes help express the extent or amount of reaction that she wants the reader to feel as they read about a certain action that a character carries out. For example, instead of just saying, "she yanked the full length of my hair," Tan chose to write" she yanked the full length of my hair like the reins of a horse," describing the force of amah's strong pull realistically.
The main conflict of this chapter is Ying-Ying's inability to find her family after she falls into the lake. In the beginning of the story, despite the hot weather, Ying-Ying is in pure bliss when she is safe and sound with her earthly comforts. However, once she falls into "the cool comfort of the water" she is separated from her family, her amah, and her peace. Once her peace is shattered, her true troubles begin. Through this conflict Ying-Ying realizes the importance of being found, and belonging. This conflict is more internal than external and is a human vs. self conflict, in that Ying-Ying comes to a realization, after losing her loved ones, of the importance of the people in her life.
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Red Candle
Promises
Focusing on: The Red Candle
First and foremost I was offended when Lindo Jong, the narrator of this chapter, was stating that I (the readers) did not know the importance or commitment that it took to keep a promise. I was thinking, "you don't know who I am," but once I read her entire story I understood what she was trying to say.The Red Candle was about the story of her promise to her parents that she would marry Tyan-yu, a fat and pompous kid, and be a "good" wife to honor them. The depth and difficulty of her promise is overwhelming, especially because her situation is uncommon or even unimaginable today. Jong was expressing, through her words, that people in the past had to do the unimaginable, things that would change their lives and do it against their own will or for the sake of their family, unlike many people today. Apart from how I felt about the chapter as a whole, there were also a few characters who made me extremely irritated. I was especially annoyed by Tyan-yu, not only because he was a spoiled brat but also because of his cowardliness. His big head made him think that he was above everyone else, ultimately making him act like an immature king. Despite my hate towards Tyan-yu, there was also a scene in which I felt sorry for him. This scene was the scene in which Lindo realizes that Tyan-yu was afraid to lay with her, to have any sexual interaction with her. Though I was glad that he had no such desires for Jong, I was also sorry for him because I realized that he had also not been given the freedom to choose who he had wanted to marry. Another character that extremely bugged me was the servant girl. Even though the "only thing" she did was re-light the candle, her careless action had caused life-threatening troubles for Lindo. I felt refreshed and felt like I had finally gotten my revenge when Lindo lied to Huang Tai-tai, her mother-in-law, that the servant girl was Tyan-yu's "true spiritual wife," and that she was barren with his child. Though I felt sorry for her later on in the story, I also felt that she well deserved it because she had tried to decide Lindo's fate.
One phrase that can describe the relationship between Lindo and the servant girl is "secret rivalry." When the servant girl lies that the candles' flames were continuously burning throughout the night, Lindo's fate is ultimately on the verge of becoming a living hell for her. However, just in time Lindo is able to save her own life when she lies that the servant girl is the one who is the "true spiritual wife," of in other words the girl who was "destined" to take her place. Lindo had been the one who was losing in the beginning of the story, but in the end the servant girl becomes, in a sense, the girl who is "looking out from the window" and watching Lindo "running free" from her unwanted destiny.
One writing technique that Amy Tan used was symbolism. Her use of symbolism helped me get the deeper meaning behind the key themes of this chapter. For example, Tan mentions gold bracelets a couple times throughout Jong's story. Though there may be different interpretations of what the bracelets really represent, I thought that they symbolized the promises that a person had to keep. The words "promise," "free," and "independent," gave the connotation that the bracelets were a type of burden, and when the person was depraved of these "promises" they felt free and light. I was able to develop this connection through Tan's use of dialogue and words that surrounded the phrase "gold bracelets."
I believe that the theme, or life lesson of this chapter is basically to not forget or lose yourself even when you are overwhelmed by or hate life. Even though Lindo went through with the forced marriage, she promised that she would not forget herself. Lindo was able to save herself when she tricked her in-laws into thinking that she was not Tyan-yu's "true spritual wife," and thus was able to keep both her parents' promise and her own identity.
Focusing on: The Red Candle
First and foremost I was offended when Lindo Jong, the narrator of this chapter, was stating that I (the readers) did not know the importance or commitment that it took to keep a promise. I was thinking, "you don't know who I am," but once I read her entire story I understood what she was trying to say.The Red Candle was about the story of her promise to her parents that she would marry Tyan-yu, a fat and pompous kid, and be a "good" wife to honor them. The depth and difficulty of her promise is overwhelming, especially because her situation is uncommon or even unimaginable today. Jong was expressing, through her words, that people in the past had to do the unimaginable, things that would change their lives and do it against their own will or for the sake of their family, unlike many people today. Apart from how I felt about the chapter as a whole, there were also a few characters who made me extremely irritated. I was especially annoyed by Tyan-yu, not only because he was a spoiled brat but also because of his cowardliness. His big head made him think that he was above everyone else, ultimately making him act like an immature king. Despite my hate towards Tyan-yu, there was also a scene in which I felt sorry for him. This scene was the scene in which Lindo realizes that Tyan-yu was afraid to lay with her, to have any sexual interaction with her. Though I was glad that he had no such desires for Jong, I was also sorry for him because I realized that he had also not been given the freedom to choose who he had wanted to marry. Another character that extremely bugged me was the servant girl. Even though the "only thing" she did was re-light the candle, her careless action had caused life-threatening troubles for Lindo. I felt refreshed and felt like I had finally gotten my revenge when Lindo lied to Huang Tai-tai, her mother-in-law, that the servant girl was Tyan-yu's "true spiritual wife," and that she was barren with his child. Though I felt sorry for her later on in the story, I also felt that she well deserved it because she had tried to decide Lindo's fate.
One phrase that can describe the relationship between Lindo and the servant girl is "secret rivalry." When the servant girl lies that the candles' flames were continuously burning throughout the night, Lindo's fate is ultimately on the verge of becoming a living hell for her. However, just in time Lindo is able to save her own life when she lies that the servant girl is the one who is the "true spiritual wife," of in other words the girl who was "destined" to take her place. Lindo had been the one who was losing in the beginning of the story, but in the end the servant girl becomes, in a sense, the girl who is "looking out from the window" and watching Lindo "running free" from her unwanted destiny.
One writing technique that Amy Tan used was symbolism. Her use of symbolism helped me get the deeper meaning behind the key themes of this chapter. For example, Tan mentions gold bracelets a couple times throughout Jong's story. Though there may be different interpretations of what the bracelets really represent, I thought that they symbolized the promises that a person had to keep. The words "promise," "free," and "independent," gave the connotation that the bracelets were a type of burden, and when the person was depraved of these "promises" they felt free and light. I was able to develop this connection through Tan's use of dialogue and words that surrounded the phrase "gold bracelets."
I believe that the theme, or life lesson of this chapter is basically to not forget or lose yourself even when you are overwhelmed by or hate life. Even though Lindo went through with the forced marriage, she promised that she would not forget herself. Lindo was able to save herself when she tricked her in-laws into thinking that she was not Tyan-yu's "true spritual wife," and thus was able to keep both her parents' promise and her own identity.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Scar Blog
Underneath it All
Focusing on: Scar
This chapter gave me the chills, chills that were caused by both Amy Tan's descriptions of the physical pains that the An-mei and her mother went through and the wording of her philosophical views on wounds and scars. When reading about the story behind An-mei's burn, I felt like I had been the one to had gotten burnt,or in other words, I felt as if I had pushed her out of the way and replaced her in the story. This chapter made me feel as if I had wounds all over my body and because of these " imaginary wounds" I felt extremely depressed and was able to emphasise with the physical pains of both An-mei and her mother, and thus was able to emphasise with their emotional pains as well. In the scene where An-mei's mother cuts her skin, I was at first only able to imagine the physical pain that she went through, and then through this understanding was later able to get a sense of the emotional pain that she was going through as well. A particular scene in which I was able to connect to was the scene in which An-mei's mother rubbed An-mei's "smooth-neck scar." This illustration of An-mei and her mother reminds of the times when my mom rubbed my skin when I got a bruise. Just like how An-mei feels mentally better when her mom rubs her skin, I felt the same when my mom rubbed my skin. Another scene in which I was able to connect to my life was the scene that described An-mei's fear and innocene as she walked past her father's painting. Just like how she "would quickly walk by [her] father with a know-nothing look and hide in a corner of [her] room where he could not see her [face]," my sister used to act the same way when she felt guilty and didn't want my parents to find out her secret wrong-doing. Aside from scenes, a character in this chapter who really annoyed me was the aunt. Although she was not greatly affected or really any part of the conflict, she always butted into the family's business and often scolded, slapped the children, and even talked smack about their mother saying things like, "She is so beneath others that even the devil must look down to see her."
I would describe the relationship between Popo and An-mei as a "foreign langauge," a relationship in which only the two people who speak it can understand. When Popo tells An-mei that she and her brother fell "out of the bowels of a stupid goose," and were "two eggs that nobody wanted," this oddly didn't anger or sadden An-mei but instead made her feel loved because she believed that Popo said this because she loved them. An-mei "translates" her grandmother's words as ," to Popo we were also very precious." At first, no one may understand why An-mei thinks this way, but later on readers are able to conclude that she reacts this way to Popo because An-mei has gotten used to the way her grandmother acts and can tell when she is serious. Another scene in which this is expressed is when Popo explained the procession that would take place if she was to die young. Some may conclude that Popo is cruel for "threatening" An-mei and scaring her, but the real motives behind Popo's actions are actually expressed when Popo begins to talk about An-mei's mother. Popo mentions An-mei's mother because she knows the true feelings of An-mei, despite An-mei's effort to hide them. Popo's strategy works and An-mei comes, "hurrying back from the other world to find [her] mother."
I noticed that Amy Tan used a lot of similes in this chapter. For example, when she was describing Popo's flesh she could have just said that her skin "had gone soft and rotten with a bad smell," but she also added the simile that, "Popo had swollen up like an overripe squash," summing up that fact more easily and precisely. Her use of similes improved her writing by helping readers feel more of a connection to the text by comparing bigger ideas to real-world objects.
An-mei's mother in a sense is the woman in the allegory who buys a swan. Just like the woman, An-mei's mother marries and becomes a concubine in hopes of creating an easier and better life for her daughter. But once again, just like the lady in the allegory, her hopes are crumbled and that "swan" or that "future" is taken away from her by the immigration officials, in this case Popo and her family. She is also left confused and speechless when she sees the negativities that ios are brought by her good-intentions. Her daughter is taught to ignore and look down upon her because she voluntarily becomes a concubine-a disgrace. Her good intentions are unknown to An-mei and appears as worthless. Her desire to provide for her daughter, becomes overshadowed by her familys' criticism and ignorance. An-mei's mother longs to reveal the purpose, the motives behind her action but is unable to. Though the allegory mentions words like "Coca-Cola" and "American" I believe that the allegory applies to the chapter Scar as well.
Focusing on: Scar
This chapter gave me the chills, chills that were caused by both Amy Tan's descriptions of the physical pains that the An-mei and her mother went through and the wording of her philosophical views on wounds and scars. When reading about the story behind An-mei's burn, I felt like I had been the one to had gotten burnt,or in other words, I felt as if I had pushed her out of the way and replaced her in the story. This chapter made me feel as if I had wounds all over my body and because of these " imaginary wounds" I felt extremely depressed and was able to emphasise with the physical pains of both An-mei and her mother, and thus was able to emphasise with their emotional pains as well. In the scene where An-mei's mother cuts her skin, I was at first only able to imagine the physical pain that she went through, and then through this understanding was later able to get a sense of the emotional pain that she was going through as well. A particular scene in which I was able to connect to was the scene in which An-mei's mother rubbed An-mei's "smooth-neck scar." This illustration of An-mei and her mother reminds of the times when my mom rubbed my skin when I got a bruise. Just like how An-mei feels mentally better when her mom rubs her skin, I felt the same when my mom rubbed my skin. Another scene in which I was able to connect to my life was the scene that described An-mei's fear and innocene as she walked past her father's painting. Just like how she "would quickly walk by [her] father with a know-nothing look and hide in a corner of [her] room where he could not see her [face]," my sister used to act the same way when she felt guilty and didn't want my parents to find out her secret wrong-doing. Aside from scenes, a character in this chapter who really annoyed me was the aunt. Although she was not greatly affected or really any part of the conflict, she always butted into the family's business and often scolded, slapped the children, and even talked smack about their mother saying things like, "She is so beneath others that even the devil must look down to see her."
I would describe the relationship between Popo and An-mei as a "foreign langauge," a relationship in which only the two people who speak it can understand. When Popo tells An-mei that she and her brother fell "out of the bowels of a stupid goose," and were "two eggs that nobody wanted," this oddly didn't anger or sadden An-mei but instead made her feel loved because she believed that Popo said this because she loved them. An-mei "translates" her grandmother's words as ," to Popo we were also very precious." At first, no one may understand why An-mei thinks this way, but later on readers are able to conclude that she reacts this way to Popo because An-mei has gotten used to the way her grandmother acts and can tell when she is serious. Another scene in which this is expressed is when Popo explained the procession that would take place if she was to die young. Some may conclude that Popo is cruel for "threatening" An-mei and scaring her, but the real motives behind Popo's actions are actually expressed when Popo begins to talk about An-mei's mother. Popo mentions An-mei's mother because she knows the true feelings of An-mei, despite An-mei's effort to hide them. Popo's strategy works and An-mei comes, "hurrying back from the other world to find [her] mother."
I noticed that Amy Tan used a lot of similes in this chapter. For example, when she was describing Popo's flesh she could have just said that her skin "had gone soft and rotten with a bad smell," but she also added the simile that, "Popo had swollen up like an overripe squash," summing up that fact more easily and precisely. Her use of similes improved her writing by helping readers feel more of a connection to the text by comparing bigger ideas to real-world objects.
An-mei's mother in a sense is the woman in the allegory who buys a swan. Just like the woman, An-mei's mother marries and becomes a concubine in hopes of creating an easier and better life for her daughter. But once again, just like the lady in the allegory, her hopes are crumbled and that "swan" or that "future" is taken away from her by the immigration officials, in this case Popo and her family. She is also left confused and speechless when she sees the negativities that ios are brought by her good-intentions. Her daughter is taught to ignore and look down upon her because she voluntarily becomes a concubine-a disgrace. Her good intentions are unknown to An-mei and appears as worthless. Her desire to provide for her daughter, becomes overshadowed by her familys' criticism and ignorance. An-mei's mother longs to reveal the purpose, the motives behind her action but is unable to. Though the allegory mentions words like "Coca-Cola" and "American" I believe that the allegory applies to the chapter Scar as well.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Joy Luck Club #1
“Beginnings”Focusing on: “The Joy Luck Club”When I first read, “'What will I say? What can I tell them about my mother? I don’t know anything. She was my mother,'” I was as astonished as the three mothers who were staring at Jing-Mei as she blurted these words out. I was bewildered at what she said because I believe that no matter how much a person may believe that they do not fully know another person, they are still revealed to some real aspects of that person. I was later convinced, however, by the reasons why she might have said this and was finally able to understand her and agree with her. I believe that, just like Jing-Mei, everyone gets confused and starts to question themselves about why they are in a certain relationship or who the person they are in a relationship with really is. Even though she may have lived with her mother for many years, Jing-Mei still did not feel that she had been exposed to the true nature of her own mother-or in other words had never truly understood or connected to her Chinese mother who had lost everything and started anew in America. This chapter really made me wonder, how well do I know the people in my life? A scene that made me feel outraged was the dinner scene, in which all the men left right after eating and the women “as if on cue” stopped eating in response and started cleaning and washing. I felt a great injustice when I read that women had to do all the work, while the men sat back like kings. Even though this scenario is something that I see every two weeks at my church house meetings, I found reading about it, in a sense, a check to reality. Connecting this scene to the happenings at my church house meetings, made me realize how much my culture influenced both the Korean people in my life and my own life. One question I have about this chapter is the interpretation or true meaning behind the following quote, “We translated each other’s meanings and I seemed to hear less than what was said, while my mother heard more.” Is Amy Tan trying to say that June did not understand what her mom said and that her mother understood what she said or is Tan trying to say that June never listened to what her mom said and that her mom always listened to what she said? I just wanted to know which interpretation was correct. The relationship between Jing-Mei and her mother can be described as a “miscommunication.” One scene in which this is portrayed is when Jing-Mei starts to reflect upon their relationship and thinks to herself, "I had always assumed we had an unspoken understanding about these things," and then admits to herself and realizes that, "my mother and I never really understood one another. We translated each other’s meanings and I seemed to hear less than what was said, while my mother heard more." June realizes that she and her mother had never understood each other in the same way, and that the reason for it was because of a miscommunication between them.I noticed that Amy Tan used a lot of imagery throughout her vignette. For example, instead of just writing that all of Auntie An-Mei’s relatives asked for things while she was broke, Tan expressed this by saying, “everyone had a palm out and she was the only one who left with an empty hand,” making readers imagine a circle of people with their hands out surrounding a woman with her hands shaking vulnerably. Her use of imagery improves her writing because it helps readers create their own picture of a particular scene, which ultimately helps them remember that scene through their own image of it. The main conflict of this chapter is Jing Mei’s struggle to replace her mother at the mah- jong table. This conflict is an inner conflict, or in other words, a human vs. self conflict. June struggles with her own ignorance of her mother’s intentions and wishes and tries her best to recoup and fulfill them by doing the only thing she can do now that her mother has passed away, and this is by taking her mother’s spot at the mah-jong and becoming the new east.
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